


It's Hard to Let it Go

by Midnight Wolf (Larkawolfgirl)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Possible Character Death, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, hurt a bit of comfort, implied sorikai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 14:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18639949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkawolfgirl/pseuds/Midnight%20Wolf
Summary: When Kairi returns to Riku alone and without an explanation, he tries to keep them from falling apart any more than they have.





	It's Hard to Let it Go

Riku understands why Kairi made such a fuss about getting left behind now that he’s the one left waiting. It’s agonizing not knowing where they are, how long it will be before he sees them, or even if he will. The only thing keeping him from chasing after Sora is the fact he made him promise to let him do this alone. The others all want to celebrate, and he isn’t about to dampen their good time, so he takes a note from Sora’s book and puts on a fake smile and tries to enjoy spending time with his friends. 

They stay on the islands for three days before, one by one, they each head off back to their own homes. Namine is the last to linger, seeing through Riku’s facade. She touches his arm and gives him a look that reminds him so much of Kairi it makes his chest ache.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah,” he assures her. As much as he doesn’t want to be alone, he thinks having her as a constant reminder that Kairi isn’t here is actually worse. “Go, I’ll just bring you down. Roxas and Xion will be much better company.”

She frowns but doesn’t protest. “Promise to keep in touch.”

  
  


Weeks go by, spent mostly staring out at the sea and sky, wondering where Sora and Kairi could possibly be. Then, in the middle of the night, he’s woken by a pounding at the door. He’s still half asleep when he opens the door, but as soon as he takes in auburn hair, he’s tugging Kairi against him. 

“Kairi.” He closes his eyes and breathes in the scent of her. She’s alive. He’s so relieved it takes him a moment to realize she’s shaking. Pulling back, he looks at her face to see tears. “Kairi? What’s wrong?” He glances behind her, now seeing that she is alone. “Where’s Sora?”

She chokes on a sob.

His chest squeezes. Something’s wrong. He wants to push her to talk so that he can do something--because there must be something he can do--but she looks so exhausted and devastated all he can bring himself to do is lead her inside. “Here,” he says, sitting her on the couch, “I’ll grab you a pillow and blanket.”

He starts to move away, but she tugs on his sleep shirt before he can leave. “Can I sleep with you instead?”

He swallows, nods, and takes her hand. They settle side by side on his bed and soon her head is pressed firmly against his chest. She’s crying, and he doesn’t even know why, although he can guess. One of his fists rests on her back while the other clenches at his sheets. 

  
  


In the morning, Riku has to coax her downstairs for breakfast. His mother is almost as happy to see her as he is. The woman wraps her in a tight hug Kairi barely returns. She’s silent and hardly eats. Eventually, his mother excuses herself for work and wishes them both a good day. 

Riku watches Kairi jab her toast repeatedly at her plate and clears his throat. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

She eyes him then looks back at her toast. “Do I need to?”

There it is then, worst case scenario. He heaves in a breath. Sora can’t be gone. They won. They beat Xehanort and everything should have been fine now. He nearly breaks down with grief right there but he’s too worried it will make things that much worse for Kairi, so he lies that he needs to use the restroom and shakes through silent tears behind a closed door.  

  
  


They don’t talk about it again. Kairi refuses to explain what happened and tenses any time Sora’s name is even mentioned, so Riku stops bringing him up. She spends half her time joined at his hip, as if she’s afraid he’ll disappear if she takes her eyes off him and the other half training. 

“You don’t need to work yourself so hard, you know?” he tells her once. All he gets is a grunt in return and an uppercut to the chin he isn’t expecting that smarts for the rest of the day. He joins her less as time wears on. There’s little point given they have no foreseen enemies. Kairi is the opposite. The longer she is back the more time she spends training, pushing herself until she is soaked in sweat and short of breath, until her workout clothes have holes in them and her hair is twisted in tangles. 

It’s painful to watch. He knows why she’s doing it, which is why he doesn’t stop her. This is her attempt to make things right. So he lets her train day in and day out and hopes that eventually it will be enough. 

It took some arguing, but Kairi’s parents and his own finally agreed that she could stay at Riku’s place, and even though it is a rule that she is supposed to sleep in the living room, after being caught in his bed more times than they can count, his parents stopped bothering. That’s why Riku jumps out of bed when he startles awake from a nightmare to find it empty. His heart beats rapidly in his chest fearing his nightmare has come true. Kairi returning was nothing but a dream and he is still alone here, waiting. He rushes through the house, checking every room but his parents, finding no one. When he passes the front door he hears something coming from outside and opens it. 

Kairi leaps and slashes downward with her keyblade striking up waves of sand in her wake. Some of it flies at Riku’s face causing him to cough. She whirls around to face him, grip tightening on her shealth. “What do you want, Riku?”

Her voice is tight. “I didn’t know where you were.”

She gives a cheerless laugh. “ _ I’m _ not going anywhere.”

“Kairi--”

“Don’t, okay? Just don’t.” 

“I’m worried about you.”

She turns to the side, summoning a ball of fire and shooting it into the ocean. “I’m not who you should be worried about.”

“Can’t I be worried about both of you?” 

Her face tenses and he knows what she must be thinking,  _ I’m not worth it _ . How many times has he thought the same thing? It makes him sick that Kairi, who has never done anything wrong her entire life (the girl refused to even snatch an extra cookie from the cookie jar when Sora’s mom told them to take one) is beating herself up like this. He is supposed to be the moody one. 

He comes up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. She tries to shake him off, but he holds tight. “I know what you’re doing.”

She shakes her head. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. You’re trying to compensate for the past, but Kairi, this won’t make it better. All you’re doing is punishing yourself.”

“So what if I am?” she snaps. “I deserve it.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I failed him. All those times he came to save me, and I just let him. I was weak. I let myself get hurt again and just watched it happen.”

Riku moves his arms around her and she tries again to push him off. “It isn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it is! I watched him disappear, Riku! I watched him disappear and didn’t even try to stop it.”

“You couldn’t have.”

She tugs at his arms, trying to break his hold. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do, because if you could have, you would have. I know you. You aren’t weak or selfish or stupid, but you are just as foolhardy as he is when it involves either of us. There’s no way you wouldn’t have not done something if you could have.”

She cries out, a high-pitched sound similar to a dog’s mournful howl. Riku just holds her and lets himself cry the tears he’s been struggling to keep back for her sake. At some point, she turns around so that she can press her face into his shoulder and cling onto his back. They cry noisily together for a long time. 

“Thank you,” Kairi finally whispers, voice a bit raspy.

“Any time.” 

He’s still holding her and is in no rush to let go. She doesn’t seem to be in any hurry either.

“You’re right. Me training now isn’t going to change the past. Nothing I do now will bring him back.”

Riku’s chest clenches again. Deep down he had known there was no saving him. If there had been any way to do so, she would have mentioned it long before now. Still, hearing that Sora was gone forever out loud cut straight through his heart. 

“Yeah,” he says brokenly, “just like me hiding from your guys wasn’t going to undo the islands being swallowed by the heartless.”

“Riku--”

He places a kiss to the top of her head. “No, this is about you. I just want you to understand that this isn’t any different. Go on and keep training. It’ll be good that you’re ready if anything shows up, but I want you to take care of yourself, okay? You’re going to take breaks and sleep and live your life, okay? If you don’t, then his sacrifice was pointless.”

She shudders with fresh tears before stepping back to meet his gaze. “You’re right. He wouldn’t want this.”

“No,” Riku shakes his head. He wipes at her wet cheek. “Come to bed, now?”

She nods and takes his hand. “Yeah. I’m exhausted.”

Together they walk inside and begin to live again.


End file.
